In a cost cutting move announced earlier today, Clear Channel Communications CEO Robert Pittman announced mass layoffs of the computer systems that replaced previously laid off on-air personalities.
Pittman stated,”We have been assessing our vertical strategic structure and have decided a realigning of our broadcasting infrastructure could maximize profitability and allow for better allocation of resources.”
Pink slips were delivered today to thousands of Clear Channel network computers responsible for delivering music, news and most importantly, advertising. “Change is tough,” says Pittman, “but in order for Clear Channel to remain competitive and remain customer focused, we have to remember it’s all about synergies, 1+1 does equal 3.”
Clear Channel has hired Bill Cosby as spokesman, proudly showing off the one computer that will control all radio stations in America.
Pittman assures From Out Of Nowhere that consumers will experience no hiccups or even notice the behind the scenes changes. “By centralizing all local and regional music, talk and news to one TI-99 at our headquarters in San Antonio, we will be able to more effectively deliver the ads that consumers want to hear along with a playlist of more than 35 Classic Rock songs from Rush, Boston, Heart and Tom Petty.”